Friday, April 30, 2010

There is more to life than shoes

This is what my mum said to me the other day when the shoes I wanted had sold out and I was a little upset. Now I do know that there possibly is more to life than shoes but I also know that shoes make or break an outfit. I see shoe crime everyday and beautiful well styled outfits killed by a pair of shoes. I know when you are on your feet all day you need to be comfortable I wear 4" heels everyday with ease and I know this is rare but there are some beautiful lower heeled shoes out there. So this got me thinking can shoes be practical and comfortable and still look stylish so I went straight on to Spartoo's website and this what I found.

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Silver Brouge Kesslord, High Ankle Strap Melissa, Black Patent Jazz Shoe

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Happy Face Peep Toe Lollipops, Moccasin Geox, Pump Buffalo

I found a great selection on the Spartoo website and I really am into those Melissa ankle strap ones these will make any outfit funky and indivdual. The lace up jazz shoe has to be my favorite flat style as these look great with skirts and trousers and I would imagine these would be ultra comfortable. How cute are the Lollipop cheeky face peep toes I thought these were a great summer happy flirty little shoe and would put a smile on your face everytime you wore them.

So my conclusion is that there are some great flatties out there and shoe crime should not really be happening and no mum there is not more to life than a pair of shoes if you are a hardcore fahionista.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Style of a Fashionista to Aisle 2

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Dress Topshop, Cardigan Topshop, Shoes Spartoo, Necklace Ebay

I ordered two pairs of shoes from Spartoo on Friday and they arrived yesterday so I thought I would test drive a pair today. I went with these ones by Buffalo check them out here. I think Spartoo is a great shoe website as they stock a wide range of makes and styles I found them a while ago and this is the first time I have used them the delivery was free they it said it would take up to six days but they arrived a lot quicker than that. I have swapped tights for OTK socks they seem to be a good alternative.

I want to thank you guys for all your lovely comments and emails your support was such a comfort for me. I never wanted to post anything negative but it seemed appropriate as I talk about outfits and fashion.


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BIG KISS TO YOUR ALL

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Well I've been afraid of changing 'cause I've built my life around you

We ended up having our talk yesterday. I got home, and I could tell he was on edge, hoping we could. When I asked if he was ready to talk now, he kind of breathed a sigh of relief and said yes.

Ellie was napping on the sofa (she never does that so late in the day - very strange), so we sat on our bed together to talk. Harry had not only written his list down, but he'd written more down than I had. I made sure to let him know how much that meant to me at some point during our talk because it's very out of character for him. It showed me how important this was to him, too.

I went first because I had asked for the talk to begin with, and well, he was kind of scared shitless. After my initial foray into conversation, basically saying what I had written here yesterday, we seemed to jump a major hurdle. Suddenly, we were seeing a little more eye-to-eye. The rest of our list pretty much coincided with each other, much to both our surprises.

I'm not going to delve into exactly what was said, but we made some major progress yesterday. It went even better than I expected. Time will tell if what we said to each other has follow through and if we keep up what we decided as monthly talks (weekly seemed a little too much). What I can say is that each of us held ourselves accountable for the problems we have. It wasn't all "you did this" or "you said that". We quickly and easily accepted blame for our parts in letting things get to this stage. We were very honest with each other.

Sometimes you have to say the hard things to get to the good stuff.

Both of us are happy with the decisions we made yesterday. Both of us felt a weight lifted after we finished speaking. And both of us realized how much we still love the other. That's the most important thing.

I just want to take this opportunity to thank everyone that commented or reached out to me yesterday to show your support. It was overwelmingly caring of you, and I don't think you'll ever really know how much it means to me. For friends to just say, "I'm here for you" without needing to pick apart everything I say is exactly what I need(ed). Thank you, thank you, thank you. You're all wonderful.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Icons

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My icons are Brigitte Bardot, Jane Bikin and Anita Pallenberg someone actually left me a comment saying that in one of my post I reminded her of Anita Pallenberg this was such an awesome comment for me. I wanted to share some of my favorite images with you.

Who are your Icons ??

The Hubs

Harry doesn't like it when I talk about our relationship (the crap side, not the good side) on here. He's asked a few times if I talk about it. Maybe that's part of the reason I haven't been blogging the past few months.

The fact is, we're in a marriage funk right now. There, I said it. Or more on point, I'm in a marriage funk.

Our marriage changed pretty much the day we had Ellie. Most marriages do when you put children into the equation. B.E. (Before Ellie), we were that lovey dovey couple everyone hated. We did everything together. We loved spending time with each other. The more time the better.

After Ellie was born, I still needed Harry there with me by my side as much as possible, but a good portion of that was because I needed help with the baby. I knew from the get-go I didn't really have that maternal thing about me, and the first few weeks after my little girl came into my life proved my thoughts on the subject right. I was lost, and I practically begged Harry not to leave the house, well, ever. Kind of ridiculous.

As Ellie got older and our living situation got better (new house!), I wasn't so needy. I got the hang of being a mommy, and I LOVED the extra time I got alone with my girl. Eventually this has now led to wanting alone time with Ellie a lot more than I ever thought possible. So when Harry's offered OT or has something to do, I practically pounce on the idea of a morning without him. I don't say it in those words, but I wonder if he realizes it. I wonder if it hurts.

Around the time Ellie turned 2, I noticed how drastically things had changed. This would be November of '08. Things started to really annoy me. Things Harry said and did made me roll my eyes... a lot (the one thing I do that really drives him up the wall). Little things about his personality that he'd always done suddenly irked me (like the way he rubs his hands together sometimes when he's excited or about to eat something good or buy something wonderful - I'm cringing just typing about it).

I noticed the change, tried to mention as nicely as possible that I was feeling kind of ick, and we kept trucking. I let it be known that I was annoyed but that I didn't want to bring it up everytime he left crumbs on the counter or got water all over the bathroom floor because I didn't want to come across as a nag. I did want him to know that it did bother me, EVERY SINGLE TIME, those things kept happening, regardless as to whether or not I voiced a concern.

It's been a year and a half since I noticed this annoyance, and it hasn't gotten better. In fact, it's gotten a whole lot worse.

It's to the point now where I question how many times I have to mention something before it sinks in? How many times is too many? When did it cross the line from annoyance to hurtful to just plain disrespectful? The eye-rolling is now more hurt feelings on my part, to the point where I feel common courtesy is being thrown by the way-side.

I'm tired. Tired of being hurt and angry and upset all the time and keeping it all in for the sake of not hurting his feelings. That's crap. Something's gotta give.

And something did this weekend.

Harry hasn't gotten any overtime in a few months, so when work offered him some Saturday morning, he grabbed it. It made me happy because he likes getting OT, we need the money, and well, I get a Saturday morning with Ellie all to myself. It's a win/win/win situation. He usually works 5am-12pm on Saturdays, so he's up pretty early in the morning. Usually his alarm wakes me up, but at 3:30am, I can usually fall back asleep, even with this crap insomnia I've been dealing with this past month.

Harry knows about the insomnia. He knows how I've been struggling with sleep. I'm the kind of person that really needs 8 hrs to function, and I haven't been getting anywhere near that.

You would think, knowing how hard sleep is to come by for me, that my husband would make sure the alarm clock was turned off once it went off at 3:30. You would think, right? Common courtesy, right?

I was lucky enough to not even hear it go off at 3:30. I didn't even hear him leave. For the first time in over a month, I was actually going to sleep through the night and get 8 hrs.

Unfortunately, Harry didn't turn of the alarm clock after it went off at 3:30, so it went off again at 5:15, which is the second setting on the clock, the one he uses during the week.

I have no idea how to use his clock. We use separate ones because the bed is so damn big that rolling over to the other side to shut of an alarm sucks. And we need the multiple settings (both of us on both clocks). I fumbled with buttons until the damn thing shut off, and I'll admit, I cried I little. I just want sleep.

Even more unfortunately, I didn't shut it off. I merely set the snooze to 1 hr, which means it went of again at 6:15. I nearly ripped it out of the wall and threw it through the window. And again, I cried.

Common courtesy.

I practice it every day. I do all these little things every single day to make both Harry's and Ellie's lives easier, happier. I like to do these things. It makes me happy to make my family happy.

I'm tired of being walked all over. I'm tired of no one even noticing all the little things I do. I don't do them for the recognition, but damnit, sometimes hard work should be recognized.

Whenever Harry, say, empties the dishwasher or sweeps the floor or takes out the garbage, I friggin' thank him for it. I do. Why? Because I know he appreciates that I noticed. There've been a few times (like all 3 since we've moved into the house) when he's cleaned the bathroom and made sure to let me know he cleaned it, looking for that recognition. I always give it to him, but his constant need of the pat on the back irks me. I always recognize things he does; he doesn't have to point it out to me. If I listed all the crap I did day-in and day-out to him, it would probably take hours to tell it all. I know the moms out there know what I mean.

He thanks me for dinner a lot or if I set up his coffee for the next day, so I get recognition on occasion. It's just that sometimes I'll spend hours cleaning the house, and he won't even notice. Seriously. I'll scrub the floors and dust, the whole shebang, and he doesn't even realize it's been done. Maybe he just doesn't care. I don't mean that vindictively. I think maybe he really doesn't care if the house is clean. Crumbs on the counter, water on the floor, mud tracked through the kitchen... it doesn't seem to bother him at all.

We're very different.

I'm all over the place with this post, I know, but that's because I'm all over the place in my life. I don't know what to do. This weekend, after the alarm thing, I knew when I'd mention it to him, he'd give me his apology like always, and I'd be annoyed because sometimes a million "sorry's" just aren't enough. Trying to actually not let those things occur is what I'm looking for.

Instead of his standard apology, he mumbled a quick sorry and moved on to another topic. It was a token apology. It didn't even sound like he meant it. And THAT HURT. Now he doesn't even care when he's hurt me. That's what that "I'm sorry" told me. It surprised me. And I nearly broke down in tears on the spot, but Ellie was sitting there, and I didn't want to scare her.

I just stood there. And for the very first time I thought, "We might not make it."

My problems, my worries, my complaints may seem petty, but to me, they're important.

I want to love my husband like I used to. I want to be able to communicate my worries and hurts.

Last night, I told him it might be a good idea if we had a weekly or monthly talk, time set aside and scheduled where we could bring our concerns to the table. A couple of days before, we should even write down what we want to discuss with each other.

I asked him if he'd noticed I'd been different this past month, and he admitted he noticed. We've just been ignoring.

Ignoring it is bad.

I asked him if Wednesday after Ellie goes to bed would be a good time. He agreed. BUT (and there's always a but) he immediately asked, "So we're not going to tear into one another, are we?"

I had to take a deep breath. This always happens. Any time I want to have a serious conversation about our marriage, he freaks out, thinking I'm going to completely bitch him out. Or leave him. I just want to talk for Christ's sake! Why is he always so afraid of talking about things? It upsets me. This is why I keep things in, because he always gets scared the minute I say something serious. I'm kind of tired of this, too.

I told him I wasn't looking to schedule an argument, just a discussion. It's not like we argue anyway. Hello! When do we argue? We're not like normal couples that occasionally raise their voices, mostly because he just shuts down when we're on the brink of it. I see him closing up, and I stop whatever I'm saying for fear of hurting him.

This has to stop.

I've already written down the things I want to discuss, and I'm really hoping he takes it seriously and does the same. He said he didn't get a lot of sleep last night, whereas right after I talked to him about Wednesday, I fell blissfully asleep and didn't wake up until my alarm went off. Interesting.

Hopefully I'll have good things to talk about on Thursday.

And for any family reading, I wrote this just to get it out. I love you guys, but I don't want to actually discuss it. I know it's personal, and maybe I shouldn't put it here, but I have to put it somewhere because it's eating me up inside. Thanks for understanding.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Gold & Green

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Cut Off's DIY, Shawl Ronit Zilkha, Cami New Look (old), Wedges Topshop

I love the combination of gold and green the two colors work so beautifully together. I saw a picture of the gorgeous Miss Moss wearing cut offs and a beautiful shawl and I remembered I had this one I brought it years ago and the detail on it is stunning this was the inspiarion for todays outfit. The weather has been gorgeous but it is still too cold to let go of my faithful black tights yet.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Tassel Overload

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Jumpsuit ASOS, Jacket Miss Selfridge, Boots Primark, Pumpkin Bag Tesco

I went to my local carboot sale today. The weather was meant to be hot and sunny and I woke up to overcast and a little damp so I traded my gladiators for boots and my SPF50 for my tassel biker jacket. I was looking for jewellery, blazers, over sized knits and Levis 501 to cut into shorts I did not find anything but I did get two broken watches to wear as bracelets. I need to get better at thifting I think I need more practice I never find anything.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Meet Le Le

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Boots Boo Hoo, Bracelet & Ring Chain Ebay, Necklace H&M, Snake Ring ASOS


I want to introduce you to Leon from I Under Eye I loved his outfit so much today that I had to share it with you I am totally loving the leggings under his shorts and his bow tie amazing.


I also scored myself another bracelet and ring chain from Ebay it arrived this morning I love these and they are really hard to find and my mum also took the pumpkin bag hint and got me one today I am sure you will see it soon :)

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Facelift

I needed some new digs. Hopefully the new name and look will help the creative juices flow. It's pretty to look at either way. And the new name kicks ass, if I do say so myself.

What's been going on... lots of work, time spent with Ellie, reading, the norm.

Spring is here, and we actually have a spring. Love it. It's been a while for CT to actually experiences weeks of 60* weather. We've been going from 40 to 90 right back to 40 to 90 again for the past few years now. It kinda sucked ass. The sunshine is wonderful, the flowers are in bloom, and I've spent countless hours outside already this season. 2 downsides (yes, there's always a downside): I developed allergies (luckily, they've abated) and because of my iron deficiency, I'm still always friggin' cold unless I'm sitting directly in the sun. There are worse things to have, I know, I'd just like to be warm like normal people once in a while. I'd also like it if my office wouldn't kick on the A/C once it hits 50* outside. It's kind of rediculous.

We've finally finished the horrid project I was working on at the office. Good Lord but it was terrible. I've been working on it since November, and it didn't look as though there was any end in sight. I nearly cried when we finished. It's been very pleasant at the office since I've been back on regular work detail. No stress, no anxiety, just work and peace and quiet. Lovely.

Miss Elliegirl is fantastic as usual. We've hit a major whining stage, but I'm working on it with her. That is to say, I'm working on not showing any kind of reaction when she whines. It's hard. So, so hard. It's been a few days now since I decided to stop asking her to stop the whining. Asking seemed to instigate it more. Now I do nothing, and I've noticed everyone is happier. Please let this be the answer because the whine drains me so. Sunday was hell. Let's just say neither Harry nor I had fun that day.

She even got to accompany me here at the office today for a couple of hours which was kickass. I miss her so much during the day, so seeing her and hanging out with her really made me smile. I wish we could do it more often. Once a month for all of us parents would be killer.

She's about to hit 3 and a 1/2, which is unbelievable. How in the hell is she this old already? I look at her, and sometimes it's like looking at an alien or something. Yep, I just called my kid a Martian. And I capitalized Martian.

I've been trucking along on my tattoo sleeve, and it *should* be done by the beginning of June. I hope I hope I hope. It looks amazing so far. I have a sitting on May 4th for my forearm, then the last sitting will be for filler on my upper arm. Woo hoo!

My friend, Kate, is coming up for a visit the same weekend as my birthday and Mother's Day which has me super excited. This will be our first time meeting each other after having talked online for nearly 3 years now. I can't wait to crack open a few beers with her and chat the night away. It's what I do best. Oh, yeah, and her daughter, Chloe, and Ellie should get along famously. Kate and I will make sure to keep the beer-guzzling to a minimum while the kiddies are awake.

We're also getting psyched up for our 4-day trip to Ocean City, MD at the end of June. I've got my dress and shoes for the wedding already, and Ellie's got a couple of dresses to choose from too. We also went out and got new swimsuits. Yes, I got a swimsuit. And yes, I'm going to wear it. Out. In public. And I don't look that bad in it. Holy crap.

Speaking of, I've hit 55 lbs lost so far. I've been at a bit of a standstill this past month, but that's OK. I've also eaten a lot of crap, so I'm actually lucky I didn't gain anything back. I'm back on track as of this week, so I'm hoping to see some results again soon. I need about 10-15 to drop off and then I'm officially done with weight loss. HOLY CRAP. I can't believe I can actually say that. Rock on.

I also got a new haircut a couple of weeks back so I'll post a pic of the new and improved me. I freakin' love it, and I'm planning to keep it up.

I'm out for now. Talk to y'all soon.

Newest Ink




Cowgirls & Indians

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With the change in seasons I find that the cowboy boot or the moccasin is a good choice of footwear. They both look great styled with floral dresses or denim cut offs and they both can be worn with black tights to help us through that oh so difficult transitional period when we want to wear some of our high summer pieces and an open toe shoe just seems a little impractical. Now I am a keen lover of both so I am neither a Cowboy or an Indian. The cowboy boot is very easy to find but the moccasin is a little more rare but I have found these super cute Rocketdog ones from Spartoo I personally think the moccasin is the way to go this season and with the tan colour and fringing these are bang on trend for S/S10. If you want something a little more dressy check these ones out by Les Tropeziennes they have a bit of a Mulberry feel about them.

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Now for all you Cowgirls out there if you are really not feeling this Pocahontas trend then you will need the perfect cowboy boot these Buffalo ankle ones are perfect they have a great tradional feel about them and you cant go wrong with an ankle boot in the summer. If you are looking for someting more tradional how abou these ones by Buttero they will be great if you want to channel the denim on denim D&G western look.
Kate Moss is an Indian along with Claudia Schiffer and Sienna Miller and the Queen of cowboy boots Taylor Swift are cowgirls.

What are you ??

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Who said shopping was easy ???

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Dress H&M, Blazer International, Cycle Shorts H&M, Bag Chanel, Boots Ebay, Hat New Look Rings Ebay & ASOS, Necklace Ebay

Wow it is not easy taking pictures in public places I felt soooooo self conscious I do not know how other bloggers do it. My mum took the pictures we had planned a shopping trip which turned into a bit of a weird one as soon as I entered Topshop and saw the boots that I have had my eye on for months had gone into sale for £40.00 they did not have my size so we instantly left this town and headed for the one where I work I was so into getting the boots that I forgot to get a parking ticket I remembered one and a half hours later and of course I got a parking fine ouch. The things we do for a sale bargain he he. So in theory the boots cost me an extra £25.00 still cheaper than full price but I am very lucky as my cute little mummy is going to pay the fine :) thanks mum.

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My new sale bargain shoes from Topshop

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I was asked to show you a close up of my Ring and Chain Bracelet I got it from Ebay a couple of weeks ago :)

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