We used to be that couple

Last week, one of Harry's friends commented about how sappy we are together and how she and her husband are still the same way after 10 years of marriage. And it made me a little sad because we're NOT sappy. Not at all. We used to be. We used to be that couple that gave you cavities just by looking at us.

Our said sappiness started to dissipate a few months after Ellie was born. We're the stereotypical couple that was once head-over-heels in love with each other, unable to keep our hands off one another. Then came sleepless nights and baby spit-up and shitty diapers, and the romance kind of went out the window. The deterioration of our physical relationship is an excellent deterrent for all couples that have mostly decided they don't want kids but haven't completely given up on the idea. Heh heh.

What bothers me about the whole situation is that I KNOW it bothers me, but I've failed to do anything about it. Harry and I are more than just roommates, which is what happens to a lot of couples like us. I'm grateful for that. We still enjoy each other's company. We still talk. We still connect. Well, sometimes. When I'm not rolling my eyes or getting pissy.

But I miss the closeness. I miss that crazy/happy/soaring feeling I used to get when I saw him after a long day's work, how I just wanted to concentrate on the two of us and nothing else. I can't even remember the last time that happened. It's really quite sad.

Yesterday, I wrote of my non-resolution New Year's thingamajigs. I didn't mention this one, and well, it's a biggie. I guess I realized it needed a post all its own. So here it is.

This seriously needs to be worked on. It's detrimental to the continuation of my marriage. I know this. Why I haven't done something about it already is a mystery. It has a big sign on it that says, "don't go there". I've been too afraid of looking at it closely, but for fuck's sake, it's time.

This past year, I've done a lot of introspection, and it's helped me immensely. What I haven't done is talk about what I've learned. That also needs to change. It's good that I'm honest with myself, but it's also good to let those that are close and that care know what's going on in my big ol' noggin, too.

So come on in and check out all the crazy inside. It's ok; I'll let you back out after. I promise.