A heart to heart

Harry and I talked last night. REALLY talked.

We have an odd relationship because, well, we don't fight. No yelling, no shouting, no name-calling, none of that. Neither of us are really prone to that. We disagree, we discuss, and if we can't come to a compromise, we agree to disagree (and eventually do what I want - LOL).

As I said the other day, I'm not the same and haven't been for a few weeks. Harry's noticed. He always notices when I'm off.

I've been WAY off. I snap at him for EVERYTHING.

I am a snapper by nature when someone doesn't listen to me or asks me a question for the fifth time. It aggrevates me and irks me to no end.

As I have become snappier in the last few weeks, Harry has become more and more forgetful. We're not sure which is actually causing which.

Last night, I'm snap, snap, snapping because he's asked yet again where something is. Then he comments to Ellie, "I don't think Mommy likes me anymore."

THIS is the crap I can't stand. When something is serious, Harry cracks a joke or laughs.

I walk away.

He sees me a minute later with my eyes closed breathing in and out slowly. He asks what I'm doing, and I tell him I'm trying to calm down. THAT makes him laugh, too. I tell him to go away.

After we put Ellie to bed, I go in our bedroom for a few minutes to get my thoughts together. I know we need to talk, and I don't want to be angry when we do. He's sitting out in the family room, waiting for me.

When I come out, I sit down and tell him we need to talk. He looks terrified.

I explain how I'm having a difficult time controlling my anger lately. We discussed this last week, but I explain a little deeper. And I apologize. And I ask for help.

We're both tearing up, and he's breathing a sigh of relief. He was afraid I wanted to leave him.

That couldn't be further from the truth.

I love Harry. I'm in love with Harry. I love having him as my husband, my friend, my partner in crime.

And I make that perfectly clear. We're SOOOO good together; I'd NEVER want to screw that up.

He admits to zoning out a lot lately, and he's not sure WHY he's doing it, either. Seems both of us have some things to work on.

I'm glad we talked. Glad, glad, glad.

This too shall pass, right?