What Happened

In July of 2007, I found a wonderful online parent community called Maya's Mom. Here was a place where I could finally ask all the insane parenting questions I had and give advice to new mommies who were as scared and as clueless as I was when I first had Ellie.

After months of being on there, I became friends with a tight-knit group of women. I was still new to the group, but they welcomed me in so easily that I felt right at home. I couldn't believe my luck.

There was one woman in the group that was popular on the site. She told us how she had come from another parenting site, how awfully she was treated there, how they tried to ruin her, a powerhouse on that site, with lies and bullying tactics.

Naturally, we believed her. We believed everything she said. We rallied around her, supported her, laughed with her, asked her for advice, etc. She seemed to know what she was talking about, especially seeing as she was a "psychologist" (are you technically a psychologist if you have a degree in the subject, or do you need to have worked in the field to carry that title?). In the end, we found out she was just the first part of that word.

Back in February or so, I started getting a bad vibe from her. She started patrolling the boards like it was her job, her duty. She even asked the team, point blank, for a job. That just rubbed me the wrong way. At one point, I remember saying something like, "She's not the fucking MM police." That's how much her behavior started to bother me.

Soon after, I started getting a really icky feeling about her. She's a big advocate of spanking children, something we never saw eye to eye on. When a spanking talk was posted by a friend, filled with info about how much damage spanking your child can actually do in the long run, she kind of went on a rampage (not like all out crazy, just a "No, I'm right" kind of rampage). She even pulled the old "When your kid is 4 years old, come and talk to me" crap because obviously, those of us with toddlers know nothing about unruly children.

I put out a few feelers with the others, seeing if anyone else was picking up on the yucky vibe. Wouldn't you know it? I wasn't the only one a bit disturbed by her recent behavior.

The shit finally hit the fan when she, yet again, reprimanded someone for something done on the site that broke one of her "golden rules". The only problem this time was that her targets were myself and another friend of mine.

I was so pissed that I walked away. I closed my browser and walked away. When I came back, I decided to leave some space between the two of us.

By the next week, she had gone completely ape shit. She started accusing people of things they hadn't done, myself very much included in those accusations. At the time, I kept wondering why she was spreading all these atrocious lies about myself and my friends. What did she have to gain by doing it? Where in the hell was her head at?

After the damage had been done, she was asked to leave the site. That's right, She was asked to leave yet another major parenting site. Not us. Not the other women from the other site. She was asked to get the hell out of dodge.

We came to realize that she had lied about why she had had to leave the first site. We found out that she became completely unhinged, slinging the most awful insults I've ever seen at these other women.

Unfortunately, we got some mud thrown our way, as well. There was absolutely no reasoning with her. She's honestly one of the most vicious people I've ever known.

In the end, I think she told all those lies about us because she honestly believes them. Every single one of them. At first, she chose two or three of us that were easy targets (one of whom was me), but after a while, her lies became her reality. So she really thinks that she and I were in a private group together that we weren't. She believes that I copied and pasted private talks into other groups, which I didn't.

It didn't end when she left, though. Because of her popularity, people believed her lies. Even after we were finally given the chance to tell everyone what really happened, there were a few that still believed her. Her vile behavior caused a huge rift within the community. And I don't think the site has ever been able to mend.

At first, we all thought about leaving, but we all knew that was what she wanted. If she couldn't have MM, then none of us should have it. This woman honestly believed that she made that website what it was. What she doesn't understand and never will is that she destroyed her beloved MM. She did it. She broke the trust.

It's been a few months since it's all happened, and we've tried. We've really tried. It just doesn't seem to be worth the effort anymore.

Many of us have already left or are getting ready to leave. We all have ways of communicating with each other off the site, so we're not worried about losing touch.

In the end, this story is a perfect example of both the lasting friendships you can make on the internet and how cautious you should be when making friends on the web. It's a double-edged sword for sure.