Jillian Michaels is trying to kill me

I'll admit I watch The Biggest Loser. I know a few of you out there do, too (I'm looking at you, Kristin, Rebecca, and Nikki). I'm not big on all the drama, but I am simply amazed at what the people on the show can actually do. Run a mile? Hell no, I can't do that. Stair master? Fuck no (yeah, the stair master deserves an F-bomb). 8-MPH sprints on the treadmill? Yeah, right. But these people manage to do it every day.

What makes them do it? Besides wanting to lose the weight and win a quarter of a million dollars of course. It's not the wrath of God but the fear of one trainer in particular, Jillian Michaels. This woman is fierce. She doesn't hold your hand. She kicks you in the ass.

I've been watching for a couple of years now, and I've said out loud quite a few times that I would never, NEVER, let this woman train me because she would very likely kill me. I've seen contestants cry and puke (sometimes at the same time) while she's training them, and all the while she's standing over them, screaming into their faces to get back up and get moving. That scares the bejesus out of me.

So why in my right mind did I decide to buy one of her workout videos? Yes, I did. I must be insane.

I decided to buy it because the reviews were good. Very good. I bought Jillian Michaels's 30-Day Shred (and of course, the price just dropped a couple of bucks - cuz that's the kind of luck I have). The gist of the reviews stated that even seasoned workouters (new word!) had to start at level 1. Yikes. All in all, though, the workouts are difficult but they work. Well. So give Jillian 20-25 minutes every day for 30 days, let her beat up on you, and you'll see results.

I sat down last night and just watched the videos to see each exercise, the modifications, and decide whether or not I could actually do all the exercises with my limitations (bad knee, bad ankles, bad back). I decided at the end of the viewing that I could do everything at level 1. I was simply afraid of doing all of them with no rest and in quick succession. Eek.

This morning, I got up at 5:45am, and gave over the next 25 minutes to Ms. Michaels. And holy fuck was it hard. I honestly didn't think I would be able to finish. By the time I was done, my arms felt like jello (surprisingly my legs were fine - all that walking really has helped). I jumped into the shower, but unlike other workouts in the past, I didn't feel like a million bucks. I was a bit shaky and a few minutes later, I was hit with a wave of nausea. It took a good 10 minutes for that to go away. I seriously thought, "She did it. Jillian Michaels made me puke on my first workout." I managed not to. I almost cried, too. I'll admit it.

Finally, an hour later, the million bucks feeling surfaced. Well, at least it shows up at some point.

After all of that, I plan on getting up tomorrow at 5:45 and doing it again. And the day after that. And the day after that. I plan on doing the full 30 days just to say I can.

And to be perfectly honest, I must admit that I actually like Jillian in the video. Gasp! She's actually helpful, she talks you through it, cheers you on (yes, it's really the same Jillian!). I was pleasantly surprised. And most of the exercises are old-school. I like that. All you need are some 5-pound weights and a mat. That's it. The rest is done with your body. And even someone like me with my limitations can do it. That makes it an excellent video. She gets two thumbs up from me. Shocking, I know.

So I'll continue to let Jillian kill me, and I'll let you know the results at the end of the 30 days. If you don't hear about it again, it means I'm a wuss and gave up. For shame.