Behavioral issues

It was an interesting weekend.

To start it off, Teri told us that Ellie started biting the kids at daycare on Friday. Great. We thought she had kicked the biting thing months ago. At that time, she was only biting either Harry or me. This was around when she was 13 months old. After a week of ignoring it, she stopped doing it. So when Teri said she started biting the kids, I wasn't too happy. Why now after all this time? I know the kids get in her face and invade her personal space, but she normally tells them no and puts her hand out so they can't come any closer. Is the biting a new defense mechanism? Is she doing it as a game? Is she looking for a reaction like she did with Harry and me all those months ago?

Our last theory is that she's teething. Those 2 year molars are getting ready to push out. This theory actually came about before the biting, earlier last week. She was cranky for no reason, and that usually only happens when she's teething. The biting was yet another indicator.

On Saturday, Ellie bit me. Not hard and not out of anger. She just did it because my arm was there. She was biting her toys, too. I still told her "no biting" because... everyone... consistency is key. She bit both Harry and me a few more times during the weekend, all softly and without malice.

Ellie also tested some boundaries this weekend, though that's really nothing new. I have one of the most stubborn little girls on the planet, no doubt thanks to me. Why in the world did I have to pass that trait on to her?

She still throws food when she's done eating or if she doesn't want something, but that had been getting better. She's been handing us the bowl or the cup once she's finished. This weekend, all that hard work went out the window. She was throwing with a vengance and moved onto rubbing the food into the dining room curtains. Lovely. We moved her chair so she can't do that anymore.

Since moving into the new house, Ellie has found that she can easily flip the little switch in the bathtub that makes the water drain. The one at our other house was too hard to move. Because this one is like 50 years old, it's a little worn out. Since she has found she can move it, she continually likes to flip it up and down. We've told her if she does it again, she's getting out of the tub. Usually she stops because she loves the tub. Last night though, she refused to listen. So out of the tub she went with absolutely no playtime. She was not a happy girl.

Luckily she got over it and cuddled with me while we watched Dora. As I was sitting there holding her, though, I couldn't help but replay the entire weekend in my head.

In order to make my voice stern, I actually have to raise it a little. There's just no way around it. I'm not yelling, but I'm definitely loud. I had to do that quite a few times this weekend. I also had to actually walk away from her for a minute or so at one of our mealtimes yesterday. I felt myself getting so angry, so frustrated that I felt I needed to take myself out of the equation.

The more I thought about the weekend, the more I wondered if I actually might need some counseling to help control my anger and frustration, which invariably lead to the huge amounts of stress I put on myself. The stress causes headaches, trouble losing weight, and really just all out bitchiness. It's not good for me or the people around me.

I started talking to Harry about it, and he doesn't see a problem. He says we need to raise our voices to get Ellie's attention, which I must concede is true. He also says that the anger and frustration is normal, which is also true. I just think the way I channel it is unhealthy.

And I admitted that when Ellie was playing with the tub drain switch, I had a sudden impulse to spank her hand to get her to stop. When raising all my nieces, that was how I was taught to reprimand them for touching something they weren't supposed to touch. We seldom had to actually do it because all 4 girls were very good at this age. I know, it's some kind of weird anomoly with my family. All 4 girls listened when spoken to and could communicate their needs at this age.

So Ellie is totally new to me. Her stubbornness is not something I've encountered before. Her self-awareness and independence is something I've never experience with a toddler. And I'm a little at a loss as to if I'm doing everything right.

Ellie does not ask for things. You have to ask her first. Ex: she'll be thirsty, but instead of asking for juice, she'll start throwing toys. You have to actually realize that that's what she needs. "Ellie are you hungry? Are you thirsty? Do you want juice?" and she'll gleefully shout, "JUICE!" like Oh, yeah, that's what's wrong. I'm thirsty. It's like she just doesn't care if she's thirsty. Harry said because she's always been on a schedule and usually gets food and drink at the same time everyday, she just doesn't see the need to ask for it. Maybe he's right.

I'm frustrated because she understands EVERYTHING we say to her, and her vocabulary is emmense, but she won't use it to get her point across. I've been trying to tell her to use her words, but it's been slow going.

This morning, she had a huge meltdown while I tried to get her dressed. She was doing this about a month ago but finally realized she was getting dressed regardless of how much she fought it. So she stopped fighting. This morning she kicked and screamed and cried. So much so that she became hysterical. I had to calm her down, which I can still luckily do. After she was calm, I asked her if her teeth hurt (which was the theory I had been holding onto all weekend). Instead of her usual "no!" when she's in a mood like this, she just stared at me. I asked again, and again she stared. This means "yes" in Ellie-speak. I then pointed to each side of her mouth, asking her which side hurt, and she immediately pointed to the left side.

Finally! Some communication.

I know it's small, but I'm holding onto it tightly with both hands. Even though she didn't use words, she told me her tooth/teeth hurt. I wanted to cry.

I explained it all to Teri this morning so she could watch her closely today. Teri says I'm doing everything right, which is nice to hear, and she agrees with me when I say that even though I had that urge to spank Ellie's hand, spanking would not work with Ellie. She'd probably look at me like, "What the hell are you doing?"

Honestly, why don't they come with a manual?