The one where she makes me look like a total liar

Last night was a complete 180 from the night before. No one raised their voice, there was no crying, there was no whining. Ah, blissful contentment.

Yesterday, after I wrote my post, I sat here at the office thinking about what I'm doing wrong. Sure, Ellie's a handful, but I play a part in the whole thing as well. As Becs pointed out, I flat out said that last week... that Ellie plays off of my moods. As Becs also pointed out, Ellie does this simply because she can. Put the two together, and you can surely have mass hysteria.

Hearing Chrissi say that Saskia was the same way and is now the easiest child imaginable picked me up a little (although she did admit 3 was hard - sigh), and hearing Cathy say that Noah is a great 3-year-old with only bouts of "bad" behavior (I can't bring myself to tell Ellie she's bad; I do tell her that what she did was bad, which I hope doesn't mean the same thing in her mind) made me smile deliriously.

I also took into consideration picking up a book or two dealing with "spirited" children since I got a few suggestions in the comments section. I looked up the one Cristina mentioned, Parenting With Love and Logic, but a few of the reviews kind of turned me off the book. While reading the reviews, another book, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & How to Listen so Kids Will Talk, was mentioned numerous times, so I gave that one a look-see. The only bad review I noticed labeled the book "secular nonsense" which actually made me laugh out loud. I've got no problem with a book that teaches you how to talk to your children so they'll listen and doesn't bring God into the equation. I'm not anti-God, don't get me wrong, but I won't condemn a book simply because God is not mentioned in it.

Most of the reviews said the book uses practical tools, staying away from abstract theories on how to talk to your kids. That's exactly what I'm looking for. Just give me the basics. Many also said that the book in general is a great tool to teach you how to communicate with just about anyone... toddlers, preschoolers, children, teenagers, and adults alike. Excellent. And the kicker, one review was titled, "Alternatives to Yelling, Nagging, Threatening, Criticizing". Phenomenal. Sold!

I ordered the book, along with 2 Neil Gaiman children's books for Miss Ellie (gotta start her early on her Gaiman!). I seem to have this nasty habit of buying Ellie a book pretty much any time I'm ordering one for myself. I can't seem to stop myself. The girl has more books than I did my entire childhood.

The title of the book itself gave me pause yesterday as well. I want Ellie to listen so badly, but it also made me realize that Ellie's I'm-ignoring-what-you-say behavior has been learned. And she learned it from me. I quickly came to the conclusion that advice I had been given some time ago (don't remember from who, but it went something like, "If a child continues to ask for things, simply ignore the question. Do not respond. Eventually, the child will give up) was actually backfiring on me.

Ellie is a repeater. She insists on repeating things over and over again, even if and when you respond. I had gotten to the point that I just flat out ignored her when she goes on and on. If she asks for something she knows she can't have, I don't answer her because I don't want to keep saying no to her all the time. In turn, I suddenly see she's been doing the same thing to me... if the answer is no, she just ignores me all together. How frustrating! Then again, it must be doubly frustrating to a little girl with a million ideas zooming through her head who lacks the verbal skills to communicate them. I'm an ass.

So last night, I took my new theory for a test drive. I listened when she spoke, and instead of saying no, I explained to her why we could or couldn't do something. Example: She asked for chocolate milk before dinner. Normally I say no or ignore it. Last night, when she asked, I quickly asked Harry when was the last time she had a drink. It had been awhile, so I told her she could have 1/2 a cup, then more with dinner. She was content with that until the 1/2 cup was gone and asked for more. I told her she could have more at dinner. A few minutes later, she asked again, and I told her again she could have more with dinner. I think she may have asked once more, and I replied once more before she stopped asking. Not too bad. It's actual progress.

Normally, she's a bit underfoot while I'm making dinner, so I keep shooing her out of the kitchen. Last night, instead of shooing her out, I asked her if she could go into the fridge for the butter and put it on the table. Holy crap, you'd think I just gave her the biggest present in the world. She was psyched to be asked to help! As I was putting the plates on the table I told her she was old enough and she could put her own cheese (with daddy's help) on her pasta. Again, it's like it was friggin' Christmas for this kid!

She's a really picky eater, and dinners have been battles at the house. There are nights when she doesn't really eat anything. And she likes to throw what she doesn't like on the ground or chucks it at people's heads (yeah, we don't really have dinner guests often - lol). Her throwing really upsets both Harry and me, and we normally end up raising our voices which just seems to antagonize her more.

Last night, she didn't want her peas, and she was getting ready to throw, throw, throw! We politely asked her if she'd put whatever she didn't want on a paper towel instead, and she actually said OK. And she did it. I think she threw one the whole night, and we just quietly reminded her that the paper towel was there for whatever she didn't want. AND she ate well. Really well. I want to cry I'm so happy.

I know this is just one night out of many, and it's baby-steps as well, but last night was just wonderful. After we finished dinner, she asked if we could go outside, and normally, since it was 15 minutes to bathtime, I'd say no, but I figured why not? She's in a good mood, I'm in a good mood, let's go for it. I may have to wrestle her back into the house after only 15 minutes, but I'm not going to dwell on it.

We played on the swingset and played kickball for a bit, and when it was time to go in, she easily complied. Who is this child? Not one protest. I tried not to show how surprised I was because I thought for sure I'd jinx it.

She took her bath, actually told me when she wanted to get out instead of me arguing with her that she was turning into a prune, brushed her teeth, and didn't fight bedtime after I explained that I knew she wanted to stay up but it really was time she went to sleep.

I'm still in shock.